To Be an American

As I write this, I'm currently watching "We Were Soldiers." If you've never watched this movie, you need to stop whatever you're doing and go watch it right now.

My generation has never truly known war. Yes, we were children when the war happened in the early 1990s, and again after 9/11. We were older then. I remember the day we declared war on Iraq and deployed the first troops. I was in 8th grade, but I didn't truly understand it. I'm not here to share my opinion on the ongoing war that has been happening overseas; to be completely honest, I have no opinion on it.

I've never been one to delve into politics. I have many friends who sway strongly one way or another; Republican versus Democrat, Conservative versus Liberal, etc. But I've never held strong opinions either way. In all honesty, I hate confrontation so I choose to keep my mouth shut most of the time unless it's a subject I have fully researched and have an educated opinion on. I refuse to argue unless I truly understand what I'm arguing about, and I challenge everyone else the same.

When I watch war movies like this one, or "Pearl Harbor" or any other movie, there is an overwhelming sense of patriotism. Even toward the war in Vietnam, a war that we fought on foreign soil to protect the rights and freedom of people who were not Americans, many in the country agreed, many did not. But there was still no sense of not being an American.

What I'm seeing in my home nation, on my own soil, breaks my heart more than the thought of seeing my friends, family and loved ones go off to fight in a foreign land. The politics they fought for were noble, courageous and valiant. They were soldiers. Yes, Hollywood paints a romanticized version of what happened, capturing the essence, but not the reality, of what happened in those days.

What I see in my own country are people who fight for or against petty differences. I'm not discounting some of the "politics" of these things. I'm not saying don't stand up for what you believe in. But do it in a way in which you are not attacking your fellow American.

A few weeks ago, the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in all 50 states. This was a decision we've seen coming for years, a decision some dreaded, a decision some waited breathlessly for. Some celebrated because they believed fully in their cause, some fought back by supporting what they thought was an appropriate response, but ultimately it was a symbol of discrimination and hatred. What saddened me the most was that this response came from mostly Christians. If being a pacifist is the worst label you can give me, then so be it. But what was once a symbol of hatred and discrimination in this country was becoming a symbol of "patriotism." I'm sorry, but using something that was used to declare yourself a "free-southerner" or a fight against the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s is no symbol of patriotism.

From a Christian standpoint, I firmly believe we are called to a higher standard of response to such decisions. Christ came in peace. He came to give a grieving world hope. Yes, he had his moments of anger, such as in the tabernacle with the tax collectors. But he spoke love and kindness. "[Let him who has no sin cast the first stone.]" So how can we honestly as Christians be comfortable using such strong anger and hatred to fight against what we believe is not the right way? How can we set an example for what we're fighting so hard against by invoking so much hatred? And yes, I call it hatred because I've heard people in my own circle, my own family, call people who are gay "disgusting," "abominations." How can we claim to love a God who wanted us to love others and turn around and say these things? I'll give my honest opinion on the rulings. I don't agree with gay marriage, but I still love the people who are gay. I do not believe that "being gay" is a choice. I've known several gay men and women who are devout Christians that believe they are called to something higher than their sexual orientation; that their one struggle in life is what brings them closer to God. No, I do not believe some choose to be gay. I think the media popularizes it and gives some people the feeling of entitlement to be an activist. I believe some celebrities flaunt it to keep the limelight on them. But I also believe there are thousands of other men, women and even children and teens who are desperate to be loved by a God that Christians have made them believe they never can be. As Christians, we have failed them by not showing them the love they so desperately need, and instead, making them feel as though they are not worthy of that love.

That's not the direction I wanted this to go, but this is something I feel so strongly about. I open my Facebook feed, my lifeline to friends and family back home, and with in five minutes I'm disgusted, angry, and appalled by what I see. I want nothing more than to break away from social media, but the fact that I wouldn't stay in contact with nearly half my friends without it is what keeps me on. Social media has played its part. Sites that were once intended to keep people connected have now turned to sites where strangers tear each other apart.

My question is this: Is all the dissension worth it? In the end, what will be gained? A more "Christian" nation? A more justified state of mind? Or will we continue to be a country divided by differences, differences that - although they may be matters of morality - are dividing our country little by little. My fear is this: is that we are not fighting against tyranny or oppression, but against freedom itself at this point. By God's own purpose and plan, we as humans are given the choice of free will. Our country gives its citizens a safe harbor that other nations would gladly die for. But we toss it to the wind like it's yesterdays news. We take it so for granted that by now, we are fighting over our freedoms. We can not change the minds of people, but we can influence it. But to what means? The division of Republicans versus Democrats, Liberals versus Conservatives resembles the beginning stages of what our young nation saw when the South succeeded  from the North, causing the greatest war on American soil our country has ever seen. Are we nearing that fine line? Are our arguments, differences, opinions worth it?

One of the most riveting scenes from "We Were Soldiers," the one that brings me to tears each and every time has to do with the female characters of the story. After the first wave hits and many soldiers are killed, the main character, the colonels wife, sees a taxi delivering the first telegram to a fallen soldiers wife. When he comes to her door, she expects the worst. However, he can't find the address, and figures she is the best resource for this information. After harsh words toward him at first, she realizes that as her husband is leading the troops in Vietnam, she should be leading the wives at home. She then takes it upon herself in the next few minutes to deliver the telegrams herself. She knows these women, sees them at tea and church every week. Ultimately, it brings them together, and the wives become  part of the patriotism. I think this scene gets me so much because of the bravery to do the impossible. She is fighting for her country, just as much as her husband is. She isn't fighting against it.

America has lost its sense of what is important. Are political differences really worth alienating those who need freedom the most? Stand up for what you believe in, yes. But do it in a way that makes others see your point, not see you as ignorant or bigoted. Fight for what is worth fighting for, not just to fight.

At the end of the movie, the reporter - the narrator - informs that those sent to Vietnam to die didn't go from a sense of duty, they went because their country wanted them to. They didn't fight for their country, they fought for each other, to keep each other safe - regardless of race, religion or political agenda. They were brothers-at-arms.

Be an American. Stop fighting against one another. Stand for freedom.

Better Fit for Preschool

To the man sitting in my place of employment today, somehow you managed to ruin an already terrible day. That takes skill, guts and a sense of superiority so low that you were willing to throw it at me with no thought to how your action would be taken.

Today started with problems. And then they started piling up. They started adding quick, and without a strong leader in the building, the entire day would have gone to hell. You didn't see the three new people I had working on my shift, you didn't see the two shelves of product fall on my employees heads, you didn't see all of us running around working as fast as we could to get our business through. No, you saw only 30 seconds of my day and decided to judge my entire career on those 30 seconds.

There was a man sitting next to you who was sleeping in our lobby, something that is completely against policy. Our policy is also to ask the person to wake up, let them know the policy and then ask them to leave if they further refuse to comply. That's my job to make sure they do, not yours. I politely woke him up, asked him to wake up or leave, explained the policy to him when he argued, and told him I would be asking him to leave if he continued to sleep. As I walked away from him, already frustrated with the way things are going, you simply made it worse. You didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face what you thought, you said it under your breath while I passed, I'm sure assuming that I wouldn't stop and confront you about it.

"Wow, you're better fit to manage a preschool than run this place." To which I asked you to repeat it and you did, this time looking me in the eye. You didn't defend me, like a patron should to another customer who is causing a disturbance...No, instead you attacked me. You proceeded to tell me, verbatim, "You clearly don't know how to kick someone out of here correctly, I don't know what you think you're doing managing people." Then you proceeded to tell me that you had no tolerance for such things and that if it had been you, you would have told him to leave, not given him a second chance. Well sir, that's your company policy, not mine.

What was in your words was a whole slew of other things. By implying I should be working with children rather than "people," you are attacking me as a woman, assuming that instead of being capable of managing a team, I should be working with children. So much was hidden in that meaning alone. As a woman, I deal with sexism constantly, but you sir, had no business talking to me like I'm inferior and have no real sense of leadership because I'm a woman.

In those few seconds in which you doubted my entire existence, you left me doubting my entire purpose. I've been in leadership many, many years, and like everyone else, I have my opportunities, and I still have a lot of learning to do. I'm sorry that I was "tolerant" of a situation you thought I should have been forceful with, but that is the policy I know and stand by, and I will make no apology that you found it (or me) to be "soft" or "weak."

What bothers me the most, aside from treating me like I'm an inferior child, was that you validated what the other customer was doing by invalidating me. By calling me out in front of the customer I was trying to take care of, you made it impossible for him to respect me enough to leave peacefully. Why would he listen to me when you, a policy abiding customer, was verbally questioning me, making me look like a weak, disrespect-worthy manager?

So thank you, again sir, for making me question what I do, how I do it, and why I do it. I really do hope that the next time you feel the need to judge everything about someone's leadership style by a thirty second interaction that indeed, had absolutely nothing to do with you and your leadership style, please, keep the words in your head where they belong. If that is truly how you feel, then I am truly sorry for you sir. I am truly sorry you live in such a small world that you feel the need to put people in their place, degrade inferiors and raise yourself up by bringing everyone else down.