Lost

In church the last couple of weeks, I've been hearing a lot about how your emotional well-being affects your spiritual well being. Honestly, I didn't really believe this...until I experienced it.

It's amazing how when your torn up and broken inside that it's easy to let go of a lot of the things you know are true. Your broken heart tears a hole in your soul, and you begin throwing all the beliefs that you once held so dearly to into that hole. They disappear, and you begin losing sight of who you really are; you treat people differently; you stray from the right path that you know is right and begin putting a mask back on; you put up barriers to those you care about the most and give the impression that you don't care at all; you make people believe that you've given up hope, when really all you've given up is faith; you cause people to wonder what they did, when really it's not what they did but what they didn't do (which was cause the pain in the first place); you act like a typical person, when all your life you've been more than typical; you place a grudge on people that you don't even know, simply because you don't want to let them in; and finally, you end up pushing away the very sources of life that have been calling you to a life of freedom, passion, love, joy, and courage and begin to live a life of apathy, anger, shallowness, bitterness, and jealousy.

These patterns are DEADLY. They rip apart your soul little bit by little bit until one day, your left wondering "Who am I?", when all along, you knew who you were, you were just pretending to be someone else so no one could come in and help.

Why do we do this?

"Because we're human." But that isn't an excuse; it didn't "just happen" that way. We let our focus off of God and began relying on other things, such as people, rather than placing our burdens before Him.

Don't lose yourself just because life throws curveballs; stay to what is true, and believe that God will see you through to the end. If it feels like your world is crashing around you, just remember that when your at the bottom, all you can do is go up. Think of life as a valley between two mountains; when your on top of the mountain, you don't grow (is there any vegetation at the top of Mount Everest?) but when your in the valley, the depths of despair, there is abundant life and vegetation. All you can do is grow, and when you get to the top of the mountain, you don't stop growing, because there is always another valley on the other side.

Don't lose yourself; don't lose faith; don't lose hope. Lose the doubt that causes you to lose these things and BELIEVE.

Trust

So have you ever gotten in the car, gotten on a random road, and just driven?

I did for the first time tonight, and it was amazing.

So I've been having trust issues with God lately, which sucks, but it's true.

So I just randomly got in the car and drove out in the country.

I stopped by an orange orchard, turned off the car and looked at the stars. They...were indescribable.

But then I started realizing why I was there.

If God created this amazing earth, all those billions of stars, planets, solar systems, etc....and we never crash into them, but we're all so delicately placed so we don't die, or go into the sun, or hit the asteroid belt...

.....then how can I not trust God with my problems?

It's wierd, for me anyway, that on an everyday basis, I'm willing to trust God (maybe unknowingly) to keep all those things in order....yet I hesitate to trust him with something that doesn't affect anyone but myself really.

So I realized that maybe it's time to fully trust. Why it took a drive in the county to make me realize that, I don't know.

Yes, No, Maybe

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" -Jeremiah 29:11

Everyone has a plan. Some live and breath by it, others simply let it come and go as it will. Some have dreams that, if not fulfilled, can lead a person to despair. Some have wants, or desires that they wish more than anything can be fulfilled with one certain factor. Some have passions that they will give anything to pursue. Some simply feel led to something by God that they can't explain, it just kind of happens. Those to me are the most exciting, simply because things start happening when God totally takes control. Those things turn into your passions, your desires, and you realize how much you can do for God by pursuing those unexplainable dreams.

But what happens when God changes His mind? Actually, does he even do this? You have an unexplainable desire to succeed at something you once thought impossible, or to pursue something that seems so far out of your grasp that it seems unreachable; you begin to lose hope that you really can approach such a challenge. Yet, something still drives you to it. Then just when it seems like your not getting anywhere, -your in a rut, a hole, crossing a hurdle- the thing becomes clear like water. You can see where it's going; you know that it's a God thing because there is no way on earth that it could happen without Him. This dream actually starts becoming reality, and for a short time, your not left dreaming, but living the dream; you don't have to wake up this time.

But then time starts grabbing hold of you and pulling you back to the world you once knew; the euphoria you were experiencing leaves, and your left wondering how on earth you got back to Oz. There's no ruby slippers to bring you home, and your completely lost and bewildered. Something happens that you just can't explain, and your left wondering what went wrong. What was God telling you to do? Were you listening to Him, or your own heart?

It is truly shocking how fast an amazing adventure can turn completely around. You think that your doing exactly what God want's you to be doing; that your following the right things, holding onto the right things, grasping the right ideas. Your living a life you only dreamed of. But then all of a sudden it stops. Your left in the storm and can only see the sunshine on the other side of the street, but there's a lot of darkness between you and that sun.

What the heck happened?

God seemed to be telling you to hold on, to go against all logic, and continue going for it. You did. Things started happening. And then stopped. The question still remains; was it God, or was it you? And when that thing stops, and your on your hands and knees begging God for some clarification, and the dream just stays there, is it because your not truly surrendering, or is it because God is still telling you to go against the odds and hope for whatever it is that you desire?

And if you truly are stuck in a storm, how do you hear His voice through all the thunder and rain?

Maybe we're not meant to. Because God has a plan, maybe we're meant to be left in the dark in order to keep searching for the Light. Ultimately, this can only be resolved through trusting Him, right? Maybe we've been focusing too much on the outcomes, and not the journey. (I know I've said that before, but it's still just as true.) And even though it hurts beyond belief when that dream does come to an end (or what seems like the end, anyway), the only hope that can be found is that God's plan will only be a benefit to us...it will not hinder us or hurt us....it will only help us grow, prosper, and quite possibly, have a better outcome than we could have originally imagined.

But how do we find God's answers???