When Did Dating Die?

This is going to be a rant, an angry rant, and I'm sorry in advance. But I'm pissed and I feel like something was taken away from me and I never even knew it was there.

When I was a kid, I grew up in an incredibly old fashioned household. My mom and dad were highly legalistic, which sad to say, gave me a warped version of reality for a long time. My mom was like that the remainder of her life, and as much as I miss and love her, I disagree with probably 95% of how she thought about things. My dad, thankfully, evolved over time and a second marriage with a more liberal wife, and I can now talk to him on an adult level about things that he and I completely disagree on but can back up our views, and most of the time I can get him to at least see my side, even if he doesn't agree with it.

One of these things my parents were so particular about was dating. In my mom's own words, when someone asked her about if she was ready for me to have a boyfriend, was "No, there will be no boyfriends in this house. A man will come and ask her dad to court her." Yep. My mother's words. As a preteen/teen, I was terrified of this. I remember being in middle school and having a crush on a boy in my class, and I felt so embarrassed and so sad that I would never go out on a date because hello, what boy is actually going to ask my dad to date me? I have a memory of being in tears with my dad at about 15 years old because I was so upset that no boy was ever going to do that, and I'd never be allowed to have a boyfriend (in reaction to my step-sister who was two years younger than me "dating" a boy at church and having him actually be her boyfriend.) It turned out my dad never knew my mom had had that conversation with me and didn't understand why I was so upset.

Fast forward 3 years to when I actually had my first date and six months later actually being in a relationship. The relationship itself was a nightmare, but I remember both those first dates being so exciting. The question itself, the anticipation, my entire closet laying on my bed because I was so nervous about what to wear. As terrifying as it was, it was a little magical because it was so....old school. About two years after that, I was asked on a date by another boy, and regrettably I said no, but I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I have been actually asked on a date. Three. Three times, at 17, 18 and 20. And that was it. What happened? I've been in relationships since then, but they started with "hanging out" and then boom! We're a couple. What happened to "Hey, I'd really like to get to know you, so can we go on a date?" I've been on blind dates (not the same thing as they are set up by another person) and I've had situationships where we went on date-ish dates. But what happened to the good old fashioned ways of dating??

This boils down to so much more than who buys what, and what if he opens the car door or not, and the plethora of other "chivalrous" acts commonly expected by women. I've been a standalone independent woman for four years; opening or not opening a door for me is not a make or break issue anymore. I'm perfectly capable of that myself, thank you. (I am woman, hear me roar.) What it boils down to is when did we become a society so driven by sex that we forgot to get to know one another?

I started talking to a guy about a month ago. We met in a bar (my first mistake) and he asked for my number. To be honest, he caught me on a horrible day and I really was just out because I needed to not be at home by myself. No make up, in a shirt I normally slept in (I think I slept in it when I got home that night), my hair wasn't done and I just didn't give a flying rip that night. Yet that night of all night, some random guy actually approached me in a bar. I was flattered! And shocked. We communicated by text, small talk about movies and music. I started wondering if we'd ever meet up, or if he'd ever ask me on a date. Then he asked, "What turns you on?" Seriously?! I don't know you. I've met you once, barely remember what you look like. Yet thats what you freaking ask me? I made up some BS about people being rude (refusing to be physical) and left it at that. His next question was if I wanted to go out on Saturday night. Ugh. I blocked his number and definitely didn't "go out" on Saturday night.

So that's where we're at in society now. In the days of Tinder, eHarmony, "sexting" and every number of impersonal apps and websites, we have somehow become a society that asks for dates after we ask for the condoms. Its appalling. Its disgusting. For the first time in my life, I actually have come to believe that technology has ruined something that once was fun and potentially beautiful. Texting and emailing are nice, and they allow for some personal communication. But somewhere in there, the façade of sex being merely a physical act to get to know someone became reality, and has now become the focus of the dating world. Of my friends who are married, engaged or seriously dating, I can name about five who got to know each other first via dating, and can't even place a number that were one night stands turned into a "fairytale." Media is to blame for some of it, but lowering standards has a lot to do with it too. In a world where everyone is so afraid of actually getting to know each other, those of us with old souls and our "prudish" standards might as well give up on dating. Dating, has in fact, died.

A song recently released, that when I first heard the words I fell in love. Then I realized it was true and now it's pretty sad. "...space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too close." We now live in a society where we're afraid to get to close, so we look for space. Space comes in all sorts of forms: cell phones, Facebook, Instagram, email, texting, Tinder. We're afraid to pierce through the superficial barrier that has entered our society and we can hide everything about ourselves that makes us....us.

Screw you society for ruining dating and intimacy. Screw. You.