The feeling (or lie) of "not being good enough" is not a stranger to anyone. Not having enough money; not being good enough to make the team; not being good enough for the promotion. And a sidebar of that lie is the "I wasn't chosen" lie. I wasn't chosen for the job; I was chosen for the team; I wasn't chosen by (insert name.) "I wasn't chosen" is the lie I've been dealing with for the last 13 years.
Do I know it's a lie? Yes. But do I constantly battle with this lie? Yes! Do I also know how to combat it with scripture and prayer? YES!!
When talking to women my age, the majority of heart ache I hear is a resounding fear or "reality" of not being chosen...as a result of not being good enough. Where do these lies come from? What deep seeded hurt do we have that tells us we aren't worthy of being "the chosen one?" (For lack of a better name.)
I know what it was for me, and not to get into detail, it came from the one person in my life who should have made me feel chosen. But thats in the past. But things from the past are just that....they're in the past. But the deep wounds from the past are what reignite the pains of today and make us believe them all over again, even if we know better this time.
For the past few months, I've been struggling deeply with this. I've never felt worthy of being chosen. And I've never felt chosen. And in reality, I never have been chosen. I've even made the joke that I'm the "game changer" in romantic relationships. Every person, and I mean every person without fail, that I have ever dated - long term or short term - gone on a date with, or flirted with the idea of dating (that "are we or are we not" type of dating) has ended up with the next person they date. And I mean long term commitment or marriage. Every. Single. Person. Yes, I can look at that and say "Oh sure, I dodged a bullet there. Obviously they weren't the one." But is that really how I'm feeling? No. I'm feeling like I didn't meet up to par. Why wasn't I worth the risk? Why didn't he choose me? Why can't I just be good enough? Why is there always someone better?
This, of course, does not mean these feelings only erupt in romantic situations. This can happen anywhere. Family, friends, jobs, auditions, etc. The list can go on. The bottom line is that at the end of the day, we don't feel like we're enough or that we're worth it.
But heres the thing; we may not feel like we are, but there is one person who has chosen you. Who has chosen me. I've found a lot of comfort in this verse the last few months, and in all honesty, I've had to just repeat it to myself time after time after time. And it actually has brought a lot of healing. So I hope it can for you too.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5 AMP)
I realize God was speaking this to Jeremiah, but really, God speaks this to us all. He has chosen us before we were even born. He CHOSE you. And me. It's a beautiful thing. And it should bring peace.
