Sticks and Stones

We all know the saying - "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I don't know about you, but I have a pretty high pain tolerance - physically. Emotionally? Eh, not so much. Bottom line is, by this age, I'm sure we've all realized that that phrase is a load of crap. Words hurt. Whether they are said by friends, co-workers, spouses, significant others, parents, siblings, etc. I tend to find that the words that hurt the most are the ones that are said behind our backs that we aren't supposed to find out about. Or the ones said in anger during a fight. Or more importantly the ones that are meant to harm us, manipulate us, or control us. So here are just some thoughts I have on the subject of words - both for giving and receiving them.

1. Watch What You Say
It goes without saying that everything that we say will do one of two things - It will either help or hurt. I was just watching a Beth Moore video where she stated that "There is nothing on earth louder than your mouth." Just...ponder that for a second. We remember quotes, song lyrics, lines from movies, punch lines to jokes. My best friend can recite whole stand up comedy skits from beginning to end, almost word for word. Show her a picture and ask her to repeat it, and she may be able to give a few key details, but not too much. The point is, we remember words more than anything else. Which is why they are so powerful. Watch what you say. Your words can (and will, most of the time) come back to haunt you if you use them incorrectly.

2. Watch What You Hear
Watch how you're listening and receiving information. What I mean by this is always have an open mind when you're listening to what someone is telling you. Or whatever words you are receiving. Even in the middle of an argument. From personal experience, I've found that if you walk into a conversation with a negative perspective on whatever will be said, that's all your going to hear. And even if it wasn't meant to be that way, you most likely won't take it in its context at all if you're already expecting it to be bad. Listen to what is said, not what you think you hear.


3. Consider the Motives of the Speaker/Source
This is the biggie. Even people who are your closest friends will probably talk about you behind your back. It's just fact. Some of your worst enemies probably will too. And then someone - be it friend or foe - will tell you about it. And then you'll hear it. Remember the above two points? That's where those come in handy.

My Aunt said a long time ago that "[When someone says something behind your back, they are saying it for them, not for you. If they were saying it for you, they would probably say it to you.]" I'm going to say this as best I can, because I have seen it proven over and over again. If your real friends say something about you behind your back, they are probably saying it because they need to vent about some things in your friendship that they know would really hurt you if they said it to you. So they vent to other people. These things have the potential to really hurt us if we let them. However, really take to heart what I just said. They were said behind your back in order to keep you safe and not hurt you. 

Now, on the flip side of that, there are things said behind your back by people who you know are not your friends. Well, just don't listen to them. Those are meant to hurt. And often they do. And I'm not saying they shouldn't, because a lot of times, those can be really cutting. But if they really dislike you that much, why should you care as much? I'm just as guilty of letting those things ruin my mood and attitude too...but I also have had to reassess who my real friends were.


In the same sense, pay attention to who is giving you information on what is being said behind your back. Usually, if someone is telling you what is being said about you, they aren't holding your best interests at heart. Sometimes they are, but not often. This is known as gossip...and it spreads like a weed. And it hurts. Sadly, it's usually meant to. If you're being informed on what is being said behind your back, really consider who is doing the telling.

Bottom line is....words can hurt, and usually do. I'm not saying to become some robot and shut off your emotions around gossip. That's impossible. But by really considering what is being said by whom, you may be able to dissuade the hurt a little bit.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." - Ephesians 4:29