It's New Years Eve. I'm in Las Vegas with some of my favorite people. I'm staying in a castle. I haven't had to set an alarm in four days. I'm a happy person.
But this weekend has been about choices, of course. Do you ever feel like life is like a test? I'm not talking the cosmic/biblical "God's just testing you....you'll get through" test. I'm talking the "make this choice or else" tests. I feel like I'm living this crazy test that determines whether or not you'll find happiness, peace, joy, love, hope, etc. There's never any answers given. You have to make an educated guess, know the answer from years of studying, or just pull an answer out of the sky because you have no freaking idea what it is. But each of these determines whether or not you pass or not. I just want an answer. Or two. wouldn't that make life so much easier? Yes.
I feel like the choices I make aren't the ones you can look back on and find the other answers you're looking for. You know the type. The ones that you answer and then a question completely relates to the previous answer and you know what it is? Yeah, life definitely isn't like that. Answers are dependent on themselves. There is no easy way out. You just have to choose. Over and over and over....and over again.
But the other thing about these choices that in this test is that you can't go back and erase the questions you've already answered. You can't fix a mistake. You can't make a problem go away. If you screwed up something great you had going for you, your done, and thats that.
But how do you figure out what will make you pass or fail? That, apparently, is one of the questions that remains to be answered.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Limbo
Once upon a time, there was a girl who worked hard, very hard, for everything she had going for her. All she wanted was to be successful to herself, her parents, and God. She wanted to make a difference. She wanted to know how to live life to its fullest potential. She wanted to know happiness. So she worked hard at her school. She worked hard at working at activities in high school so she could go off to college, get a career, and get a life.
She had friends. Only a close group, with not too many yet not too few, who loved her and who she loved above all else. She always put her friends above her work, yet somehow got all her work done too. Her friends were her world. Her friends were her life. Her friends were who would stick by her. Her friends were everything.
Her last year of high school, she found another part of herself she had never let out before; her heart. She let herself love. She let herself be vulnerable. She let herself believe that she could be happy to give up everything she had worked toward for something that she thought she wanted more; Love. In reality though, she was only lying to herself.
Months passed, love flourished, and she chose love over dreams. Dreams that didn't matter in the light of what she had found. Her love grew and the love for her grew, until love was abundant and overshadowed everything. Every once in a while, she would recall the dreams she had given up, and would be sad. But she would convince herself eventually, and be equally convinced by her love, that she had made the right choice; that those dreams were still attainable, just maybe not as soon as she wanted. Love was truly the right choice. And eventually - sadly - it became her only choice.
Her friends were all gone now, living their lives and doing what they wanted - without her. She had given up the few people that meant the world to her. That were her lifeblood. Wherever they were, she wasn't. She wasn't encouraged by love either to go chasing after them and find them. As far as she knew, they were lost to her, and she was lost to them, forgotten in the wind and blowing further and further away.
But then one day, something changed. The love broke and the world shattered. All that had been certain - a wedding, a life, a happiness, a finality to her plans..... it was all gone. The tomorrow that had been certain had been swallowed up by the monster of selfishness, and she was all alone, with no one to turn to, nothing to do, and no attainable dreams.
Her friends came back, and her dreams rekindled in her heart. She knew that all that work she had done had actually meant something anyway. She was just taking the long way there. But yet, there was still something very desolate in her heart. She had no fire anymore. No drive. There was no point.
Years rolled by. Nothing changed. Everyday when she would wake up, she would roll over and wonder if today would be good or bad, if life would start happening again. Every night when she went to bed, she would wonder if tomorrow would bring pain or joy. The bad outweighed the good. She realized quickly that there was no point to making any plans for life, because those plans always found a way of building her up, only to break her down a breath later. She saw those around her gain success and happiness, spouses and children, dreams and wonders. And everyday she wondered when something, anything, would happen to her again.
She is stuck in Limbo.
She had friends. Only a close group, with not too many yet not too few, who loved her and who she loved above all else. She always put her friends above her work, yet somehow got all her work done too. Her friends were her world. Her friends were her life. Her friends were who would stick by her. Her friends were everything.
Her last year of high school, she found another part of herself she had never let out before; her heart. She let herself love. She let herself be vulnerable. She let herself believe that she could be happy to give up everything she had worked toward for something that she thought she wanted more; Love. In reality though, she was only lying to herself.
Months passed, love flourished, and she chose love over dreams. Dreams that didn't matter in the light of what she had found. Her love grew and the love for her grew, until love was abundant and overshadowed everything. Every once in a while, she would recall the dreams she had given up, and would be sad. But she would convince herself eventually, and be equally convinced by her love, that she had made the right choice; that those dreams were still attainable, just maybe not as soon as she wanted. Love was truly the right choice. And eventually - sadly - it became her only choice.
Her friends were all gone now, living their lives and doing what they wanted - without her. She had given up the few people that meant the world to her. That were her lifeblood. Wherever they were, she wasn't. She wasn't encouraged by love either to go chasing after them and find them. As far as she knew, they were lost to her, and she was lost to them, forgotten in the wind and blowing further and further away.
But then one day, something changed. The love broke and the world shattered. All that had been certain - a wedding, a life, a happiness, a finality to her plans..... it was all gone. The tomorrow that had been certain had been swallowed up by the monster of selfishness, and she was all alone, with no one to turn to, nothing to do, and no attainable dreams.
Her friends came back, and her dreams rekindled in her heart. She knew that all that work she had done had actually meant something anyway. She was just taking the long way there. But yet, there was still something very desolate in her heart. She had no fire anymore. No drive. There was no point.
Years rolled by. Nothing changed. Everyday when she would wake up, she would roll over and wonder if today would be good or bad, if life would start happening again. Every night when she went to bed, she would wonder if tomorrow would bring pain or joy. The bad outweighed the good. She realized quickly that there was no point to making any plans for life, because those plans always found a way of building her up, only to break her down a breath later. She saw those around her gain success and happiness, spouses and children, dreams and wonders. And everyday she wondered when something, anything, would happen to her again.
She is stuck in Limbo.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Retail holiday madness and the crazies we deal with
As I left my house this afternoon at 2:30, I felt a sense of accomplishment at not having to rush out the door and get to work just in time. It takes only ten minutes to get to the mall from where I live, and I knew that although I'd probably spend ten minutes finding parking, I'd still make it to work a good few minutes earlier than usual. That is to say, I'd actually make it on time today.
As I drove down Walnut, the traffic wasn't bad. It was a normal Tuesday; normal enough, that you would never guess it was the week before Christmas. It was a peaceful, tranquil afternoon.
When I was within a block of the mall, I realized why there was minimal traffic on the road. Everyone was dealing with an epic battle to get into the same parking lot, regrettably, the same one I was trying to get into. I realized quickly I'd be lucky to get into work on time.
I hate being one of those people that will risk their life and the lives of those in their vehicle to get a premium parking spot. I'll take what I can get, even if it means walking. Hey, it's more exercise, right? So I decided to keep the "holiday spirit" and let someone who had been waiting at a stop sign in the parking lot to go first, since they had clearly been there for a while. However, the three or four cars behind them (I lost count because I was so mad) decided I obviously let them go to, which they quickly took advantage of. I soon found myself in a hopeless traffic jam which led to me realizing I was already late, which of course brought my emotion out and made me burst into tears. I was so frustrated! And the people that cut me off? They were laughing. Yes, laughing. And pointing. And no, I'm not exaggerating one bit. Thank goodness for the person that was my last hope to get to a parking space; they let me take the lead and get in line behind the countless other cars trying to find a spot.
There's a certain look that people get about five days before Christmas. You know the look. It's the "Ready, aim, CHARGE!" look. I'm convinced, especially after today, that people really do have one single agenda; come rain, snow, nuclear bomb, they will get to that goal and get that gift and they'll be damned if they don't. I soon realized that almost everyone in the mall had that look today. I thought a few times that I might die.
Work was interesting. We literally had a line the entire four hours I was there. And I had to watch what I said, very VERY closely. I never realized that people actually don't understand the concept of "buy 3, get 3 free". Literally. I had one woman ask me today "So I buy 3, and then I get them for free instead?" When I tried to explain that she would basically get six items for the price of three, she rolled her eyes and said "So what's the point of getting 3 more items then if I have to pay for them?" Wtf? Seriously? What's not to understand about that????
I've learned that my pet peeve at this job is when I ring an entire transaction through, the credit card has already cleared, and the customer is walking out the door, when they turn and say "Oh! I forgot I have this $10 off coupon. Is it too late to use it on my purchase?" Well, considering you already purchased it....duh! But sure, let me refund your entire transaction by rescanning each item, entering the price in the computer and why your returning it, and then rescanning it just so you can get roughly $10 back. If this is you, I'm sorry. But its incredibly frustrating. You don't even understand. I had a woman come in today that wanted to do this that didn't realize it yesterday, and hadn't met the $30 minimum you have to reach to get the $10 off. (She had spend $24 yesterday) So she added four items to her purchase, therefore making her total after discounts $27. Um.......Do you see what I mean? She ended up PAYING $3. After I explained to her that the $10 wouldn't actually make a difference, she still wanted to go through with it. Oh, the best part is she had left her coupon at home, but someone told her we had them up front, so we had to honor it and give it to her anyway. Seriously. I don't get it.
I think after working this Christmas season in retail, I've learned to have a greater appreciation for the people behind the counter, in the stores, everywhere. They (we) work hard to create an environment where one can purchase what they need for the people in their lives that they are giving gifts to. So thank you to all that work in a place that you deal with difficult people, decent people, or just people in general. Thank you for keeping your smile planted on your face and keeping your chin up, even though the Holiday season seems to bring out the worst in people instead of the good in people, like it should.
As I drove down Walnut, the traffic wasn't bad. It was a normal Tuesday; normal enough, that you would never guess it was the week before Christmas. It was a peaceful, tranquil afternoon.
When I was within a block of the mall, I realized why there was minimal traffic on the road. Everyone was dealing with an epic battle to get into the same parking lot, regrettably, the same one I was trying to get into. I realized quickly I'd be lucky to get into work on time.
I hate being one of those people that will risk their life and the lives of those in their vehicle to get a premium parking spot. I'll take what I can get, even if it means walking. Hey, it's more exercise, right? So I decided to keep the "holiday spirit" and let someone who had been waiting at a stop sign in the parking lot to go first, since they had clearly been there for a while. However, the three or four cars behind them (I lost count because I was so mad) decided I obviously let them go to, which they quickly took advantage of. I soon found myself in a hopeless traffic jam which led to me realizing I was already late, which of course brought my emotion out and made me burst into tears. I was so frustrated! And the people that cut me off? They were laughing. Yes, laughing. And pointing. And no, I'm not exaggerating one bit. Thank goodness for the person that was my last hope to get to a parking space; they let me take the lead and get in line behind the countless other cars trying to find a spot.
There's a certain look that people get about five days before Christmas. You know the look. It's the "Ready, aim, CHARGE!" look. I'm convinced, especially after today, that people really do have one single agenda; come rain, snow, nuclear bomb, they will get to that goal and get that gift and they'll be damned if they don't. I soon realized that almost everyone in the mall had that look today. I thought a few times that I might die.
Work was interesting. We literally had a line the entire four hours I was there. And I had to watch what I said, very VERY closely. I never realized that people actually don't understand the concept of "buy 3, get 3 free". Literally. I had one woman ask me today "So I buy 3, and then I get them for free instead?" When I tried to explain that she would basically get six items for the price of three, she rolled her eyes and said "So what's the point of getting 3 more items then if I have to pay for them?" Wtf? Seriously? What's not to understand about that????
I've learned that my pet peeve at this job is when I ring an entire transaction through, the credit card has already cleared, and the customer is walking out the door, when they turn and say "Oh! I forgot I have this $10 off coupon. Is it too late to use it on my purchase?" Well, considering you already purchased it....duh! But sure, let me refund your entire transaction by rescanning each item, entering the price in the computer and why your returning it, and then rescanning it just so you can get roughly $10 back. If this is you, I'm sorry. But its incredibly frustrating. You don't even understand. I had a woman come in today that wanted to do this that didn't realize it yesterday, and hadn't met the $30 minimum you have to reach to get the $10 off. (She had spend $24 yesterday) So she added four items to her purchase, therefore making her total after discounts $27. Um.......Do you see what I mean? She ended up PAYING $3. After I explained to her that the $10 wouldn't actually make a difference, she still wanted to go through with it. Oh, the best part is she had left her coupon at home, but someone told her we had them up front, so we had to honor it and give it to her anyway. Seriously. I don't get it.
I think after working this Christmas season in retail, I've learned to have a greater appreciation for the people behind the counter, in the stores, everywhere. They (we) work hard to create an environment where one can purchase what they need for the people in their lives that they are giving gifts to. So thank you to all that work in a place that you deal with difficult people, decent people, or just people in general. Thank you for keeping your smile planted on your face and keeping your chin up, even though the Holiday season seems to bring out the worst in people instead of the good in people, like it should.
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