Sticks and Stones

We all know the saying - "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I don't know about you, but I have a pretty high pain tolerance - physically. Emotionally? Eh, not so much. Bottom line is, by this age, I'm sure we've all realized that that phrase is a load of crap. Words hurt. Whether they are said by friends, co-workers, spouses, significant others, parents, siblings, etc. I tend to find that the words that hurt the most are the ones that are said behind our backs that we aren't supposed to find out about. Or the ones said in anger during a fight. Or more importantly the ones that are meant to harm us, manipulate us, or control us. So here are just some thoughts I have on the subject of words - both for giving and receiving them.

1. Watch What You Say
It goes without saying that everything that we say will do one of two things - It will either help or hurt. I was just watching a Beth Moore video where she stated that "There is nothing on earth louder than your mouth." Just...ponder that for a second. We remember quotes, song lyrics, lines from movies, punch lines to jokes. My best friend can recite whole stand up comedy skits from beginning to end, almost word for word. Show her a picture and ask her to repeat it, and she may be able to give a few key details, but not too much. The point is, we remember words more than anything else. Which is why they are so powerful. Watch what you say. Your words can (and will, most of the time) come back to haunt you if you use them incorrectly.

2. Watch What You Hear
Watch how you're listening and receiving information. What I mean by this is always have an open mind when you're listening to what someone is telling you. Or whatever words you are receiving. Even in the middle of an argument. From personal experience, I've found that if you walk into a conversation with a negative perspective on whatever will be said, that's all your going to hear. And even if it wasn't meant to be that way, you most likely won't take it in its context at all if you're already expecting it to be bad. Listen to what is said, not what you think you hear.


3. Consider the Motives of the Speaker/Source
This is the biggie. Even people who are your closest friends will probably talk about you behind your back. It's just fact. Some of your worst enemies probably will too. And then someone - be it friend or foe - will tell you about it. And then you'll hear it. Remember the above two points? That's where those come in handy.

My Aunt said a long time ago that "[When someone says something behind your back, they are saying it for them, not for you. If they were saying it for you, they would probably say it to you.]" I'm going to say this as best I can, because I have seen it proven over and over again. If your real friends say something about you behind your back, they are probably saying it because they need to vent about some things in your friendship that they know would really hurt you if they said it to you. So they vent to other people. These things have the potential to really hurt us if we let them. However, really take to heart what I just said. They were said behind your back in order to keep you safe and not hurt you. 

Now, on the flip side of that, there are things said behind your back by people who you know are not your friends. Well, just don't listen to them. Those are meant to hurt. And often they do. And I'm not saying they shouldn't, because a lot of times, those can be really cutting. But if they really dislike you that much, why should you care as much? I'm just as guilty of letting those things ruin my mood and attitude too...but I also have had to reassess who my real friends were.


In the same sense, pay attention to who is giving you information on what is being said behind your back. Usually, if someone is telling you what is being said about you, they aren't holding your best interests at heart. Sometimes they are, but not often. This is known as gossip...and it spreads like a weed. And it hurts. Sadly, it's usually meant to. If you're being informed on what is being said behind your back, really consider who is doing the telling.

Bottom line is....words can hurt, and usually do. I'm not saying to become some robot and shut off your emotions around gossip. That's impossible. But by really considering what is being said by whom, you may be able to dissuade the hurt a little bit.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." - Ephesians 4:29

New Chapters and New Beginnings

As I've written lately, I've been going through a HUGE state of transition lately. This week, I close the chapter I've never thought I'd have to and begin one I never thought I would; my job. I've voiced my frustration about my life at my job a few times, and even my few triumphs. But I feel like I've been earmarking this chapter, and just staying there for a long time; it has been safe, it has been predictable, and it has been stable. But it is finally time to move on. It is once again time to "let go and let God."

A few months ago, we completely switched our way of doing things and the shift manager role. Our responsibilities were doubled while our time was cut in half. It was awful. I immediately started looking for a new job. Nothing popped up after looking for a couple of weeks, and I reluctantly (yet, with an ironic state of relief) decided that I was supposed to stay there for whatever reason. I remember telling my coworker that if I were meant to change jobs, God would unmistakably show me.

Fast forward to last month. I was at my old place of employment, Bath and Body Works. I worked here alongside of my current job for three years (with about a four month gap in the mix) until this last March when I had to "permanently" leave due to scheduling conflicts with my job. I was just in buying candles and soaps, and my old boss and a couple of other old coworkers asked about work. I voiced a little of my frustrations with my position, my development and the company as a whole. I was informed that there were some job positions open in the company, and that if I were interested, I could get in contact with the district manager and set up an interview. My attitude at the time was more of a "sure, why not try."

I talked it over with my best friend and we laid out a pro/con list. It was very evident that financially this could be a huge risk, but in the long term, it could be a great possibility for me. I then prayed about it, and realized that God had opened a door for me, in a place where so many seemed barred shut in my "safe" place. I had a way out.

I let my manager at my job know I had an interview, had the interview and was offered a job the next day. Talk about providence.

This is a huge step for me. With the exception of a year after high school, This job has been all I've known. I've spent my entire adult at that company. This company has seen me through hearth-ache, all my college years, moving out, moving back in, moving out again and staying independent. It has seen me through sickness and health, times of hope and times of despair. It's also caused a lot of those. But ultimately, it has been a fantastic company to work for. And a wonderful chapter of my life.

But it is time to let it go, and see what else is out there.

It's scary to think that in four days, I will no longer be a barista. I will no longer hear the drone of the drive through "ding", the "I need a caramel Frappucchino", and the "Oh, I ordered that iced." But I also won't hear the "you guys make my morning every day!" And the regular customers that we see every day that seem absent when on vacation. Or the customer we all love that gets sick and we miss seeing them. Or the customer that treats us like her own children and brings us snacks on the dreaded Black Friday overnight shift. No more regulars, no more modifiers, and no more authentic (and some not so authentic) customer connections. But I also won't smell like old coffee, my car won't smell like old milk, and I won't have to constantly be investing in slip resistant work shoes. There are so many good and bad things about working for a company such as the one I've called home for so many years. To say I've loved every minute would be a lie, but I have certainly had some good moments, some growing moments, and some unforgettable memories. I've made friends - some that stuck, and some that didn't- and even had some life changing experiences (such as getting plugged into my current church at just the right moment.)

As one chapter ends, another begins. Two roads diverged, and I took the one less taken. When God closes a door, he opens a window. Put whatever label or cliché fits. The bottom line is that it has been a wonderful chapter, and God knows what comes next.

"'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and future."