Remember in Alice in Wonderland when she's walking on the path and the little dog with the broom nose comes along and wipes away the path she's been walking on, walks around her, and then erases the rest of the path?
Yeah, that's kinda where I'm at.
It's interesting
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Two Roads
"...Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And it has made all the difference."
Sometimes the road we think for so long is the right one turn out to be the road that leads to an even greater road. Leaving the road you've been on hurts more than you can imagine sometimes, but in the end, it is the road that leads to Life and the Right way that really matters. And some simply take the road that has been taken many times, and live to look back and regret taking it. But those who take the road less taken often find it was the wise choice to make, as I'm sure this will turn out similar.
I took the one less traveled by,
And it has made all the difference."
Sometimes the road we think for so long is the right one turn out to be the road that leads to an even greater road. Leaving the road you've been on hurts more than you can imagine sometimes, but in the end, it is the road that leads to Life and the Right way that really matters. And some simply take the road that has been taken many times, and live to look back and regret taking it. But those who take the road less taken often find it was the wise choice to make, as I'm sure this will turn out similar.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Relationship: A New Beginning
So as I was having a conversation with a friend over coffee the other day, we got on the subject of atheism, people who are agnostic, (or believe something completely different than either one of us believe), and the whole conversation got me thinking.
I have a different friend who is pretty agnostic. Everything to them is "religion"...nothing is a relationship. And then I started thinking about it. What I believe is the only relational "religion" (ick, that word just makes me want to call it a cuss word) I can think of. I mean, seriously, tell me another "religion", or belief system if you will, that characterizes the interaction between the "deity" and the humans as relational...I can't think of any. In most religions and cultures, if you do not believe a certain thing or act a certain way or pray a certain prayer, your doomed. And you are not to think of that deity as a loving, compassionate, caring father...but rather a dictator who you have to worship and you have to pray a certain prayer to. And on top of that certain prayer, that certain title, that certain worship...you also have to fear. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we shouldn't fear God, and we shouldn't pray certain prayers, and we shouldn't act a certain way. That's not at all what I'm saying. But to be honest, if that's all there was to "Christianity" and faith, I'm sorry to say I'd want nothing to do with it either, as so many from this generation are doing now. But we as Christians have a relationship with God...a personal, intimate, spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ. How amazing is that? God is all about relationship; why else would He send us His son to walk and talk with us, and show us the way, the truth and the light? Why else would Jesus Christ Himself be willing to die on the cross for what we, 2000 years later, would do? Jesus was only on earth for 33 years, yet he died for the sins of countless ages!!! All because he wants a relationship with us. Name a religion where the "deity" (and I'm only using that term for lack of a better one) was as self-sacrificing as that...name a religion where the deity craved relationship just as we crave it...
In the midst of talking about this, we also strayed onto the topic of judgmental Christians, something that I find appalling (and ironically, what the sermon is about at my church this week). I was listening to a sermon from Mosaic in LA, and Eric, one of the pastors there quoted a verse that sums up exactly what I feel about this topic.
"I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me."
That is John 17:20-23 of The Message Bible. There is so much in those three verses. One, Jesus is praying to His father, and our Heavenly Father as well. But what he is saying is that the church, the entire church and kingdom of God, will become one body and speak one truth and love God and show that love to those around them. "Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence That you've sent me and loved them i the same way you've loved me" WOW! If only certain churches would follow this. It drives me crazy that certain Christians can be so judgmental of people who believe something different than what they believe. (Okay, so what I started off with about relationship may seem judgmental, but I'm only stating an observation. I've known many people from many different religions, and I love them all. Almost everyone that I have had strong disagreements with and arguments with were people that have the same beliefs as me).
There was an incident a while back at an event where a group of people was told not to associate with another group of people for various reasons I'm not going to go into. But this was not told in a warning way of "I'm begging you as a friend, please don't do this". It was said in an attacking, belligerent, spiteful and vengeful way...you know, Christlike behavior, right? (at a "Christian" event.) When I heard this, I was shocked that i actually knew people who were actually concerned with what this person had said, and were wondering "Oh my, I wonder if I should even associate myself with that person anymore. So and so said we shouldn't even talk to them." Of course, followers of Christ should never talk to another follower of Christ who believes something different....only people that go by certain books. In the same message that Eric talked about the John passage, he spoke about an event that was at Mosaic last year. Every year, Mosaic hold a conference titled "Origins" which I hear is an amazing, life-changing experience. Now Irwin McManus, (The Barbarian Way Check out the Mosaic podcast...there are some amazing messages) one of the most brilliant and amazing authors in my opinion, gets a lot of crap from people because of his rash statements and his totally out-of-the-box thinking...but his thinking makes sense. Anyway, on the day before the last day of the conference, Eric found a letter on an Irwin-bashing blog that talked about how "an informant at the Origins conference..." had said that Irwin said such and such and how horrible it was. Eric decided to go ahead and give it to Irwin so he could just see it. The next day, Irwin did something shocking. He read the letter out loud...on stage...at the conference...then followed by saying "If the 'informant' of this letter is still sitting here in this audience, just know that you're still welcome here...and I hope that you've felt loved and welcomed and encouraged even in your ministry." How much more Christ-like could the event that I was talking about been if something like this had been said instead of "Christian-bashing" by other Christians?? My gosh! How dare we as Christians say we're better than anyone else? How dare we pick apart other Christians and say that they're evil and we should have no part in them? Even if there is a belief system that is horrible, how dare we disassociate ourselves with that group and demand that others do the same? My gosh, it was the type of people who act unloving that Jesus tested (the pharasies, religious leaders of the time). No, instead, Jesus was loving to those who were loving, and harsh on those who acted harshly. If we are going to continue talking down other religions and other denominations other than our own, and demand that our way is the only way because we know we're right and everyone else is doomed, why would anyone in their right mind want to follow a group of people so intent on leaving others out?
I have a different friend who is pretty agnostic. Everything to them is "religion"...nothing is a relationship. And then I started thinking about it. What I believe is the only relational "religion" (ick, that word just makes me want to call it a cuss word) I can think of. I mean, seriously, tell me another "religion", or belief system if you will, that characterizes the interaction between the "deity" and the humans as relational...I can't think of any. In most religions and cultures, if you do not believe a certain thing or act a certain way or pray a certain prayer, your doomed. And you are not to think of that deity as a loving, compassionate, caring father...but rather a dictator who you have to worship and you have to pray a certain prayer to. And on top of that certain prayer, that certain title, that certain worship...you also have to fear. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we shouldn't fear God, and we shouldn't pray certain prayers, and we shouldn't act a certain way. That's not at all what I'm saying. But to be honest, if that's all there was to "Christianity" and faith, I'm sorry to say I'd want nothing to do with it either, as so many from this generation are doing now. But we as Christians have a relationship with God...a personal, intimate, spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ. How amazing is that? God is all about relationship; why else would He send us His son to walk and talk with us, and show us the way, the truth and the light? Why else would Jesus Christ Himself be willing to die on the cross for what we, 2000 years later, would do? Jesus was only on earth for 33 years, yet he died for the sins of countless ages!!! All because he wants a relationship with us. Name a religion where the "deity" (and I'm only using that term for lack of a better one) was as self-sacrificing as that...name a religion where the deity craved relationship just as we crave it...
In the midst of talking about this, we also strayed onto the topic of judgmental Christians, something that I find appalling (and ironically, what the sermon is about at my church this week). I was listening to a sermon from Mosaic in LA, and Eric, one of the pastors there quoted a verse that sums up exactly what I feel about this topic.
"I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me."
That is John 17:20-23 of The Message Bible. There is so much in those three verses. One, Jesus is praying to His father, and our Heavenly Father as well. But what he is saying is that the church, the entire church and kingdom of God, will become one body and speak one truth and love God and show that love to those around them. "Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence That you've sent me and loved them i the same way you've loved me" WOW! If only certain churches would follow this. It drives me crazy that certain Christians can be so judgmental of people who believe something different than what they believe. (Okay, so what I started off with about relationship may seem judgmental, but I'm only stating an observation. I've known many people from many different religions, and I love them all. Almost everyone that I have had strong disagreements with and arguments with were people that have the same beliefs as me).
There was an incident a while back at an event where a group of people was told not to associate with another group of people for various reasons I'm not going to go into. But this was not told in a warning way of "I'm begging you as a friend, please don't do this". It was said in an attacking, belligerent, spiteful and vengeful way...you know, Christlike behavior, right? (at a "Christian" event.) When I heard this, I was shocked that i actually knew people who were actually concerned with what this person had said, and were wondering "Oh my, I wonder if I should even associate myself with that person anymore. So and so said we shouldn't even talk to them." Of course, followers of Christ should never talk to another follower of Christ who believes something different....only people that go by certain books. In the same message that Eric talked about the John passage, he spoke about an event that was at Mosaic last year. Every year, Mosaic hold a conference titled "Origins" which I hear is an amazing, life-changing experience. Now Irwin McManus, (The Barbarian Way Check out the Mosaic podcast...there are some amazing messages) one of the most brilliant and amazing authors in my opinion, gets a lot of crap from people because of his rash statements and his totally out-of-the-box thinking...but his thinking makes sense. Anyway, on the day before the last day of the conference, Eric found a letter on an Irwin-bashing blog that talked about how "an informant at the Origins conference..." had said that Irwin said such and such and how horrible it was. Eric decided to go ahead and give it to Irwin so he could just see it. The next day, Irwin did something shocking. He read the letter out loud...on stage...at the conference...then followed by saying "If the 'informant' of this letter is still sitting here in this audience, just know that you're still welcome here...and I hope that you've felt loved and welcomed and encouraged even in your ministry." How much more Christ-like could the event that I was talking about been if something like this had been said instead of "Christian-bashing" by other Christians?? My gosh! How dare we as Christians say we're better than anyone else? How dare we pick apart other Christians and say that they're evil and we should have no part in them? Even if there is a belief system that is horrible, how dare we disassociate ourselves with that group and demand that others do the same? My gosh, it was the type of people who act unloving that Jesus tested (the pharasies, religious leaders of the time). No, instead, Jesus was loving to those who were loving, and harsh on those who acted harshly. If we are going to continue talking down other religions and other denominations other than our own, and demand that our way is the only way because we know we're right and everyone else is doomed, why would anyone in their right mind want to follow a group of people so intent on leaving others out?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
What I have Learned
I've learned that you can never dream too big, wish too far, or hope too much.
I've learned that things are not always what they seem, and usually when there's no hope to be found, that's where hope is most abundant.
I've learned that you can never simply look at the surface, but rather look at the root of the issue...there you will find what the truth of the matter is, and learn what to do.
I've learned that sometimes that voice that won't leave you alone is almost always right...I say almost because sometimes that little voice is your own telling you the wrong thing.
I've learned that sometimes the road less traveled is the one you really need to follow....Let me rephrase that, the barbarian road is the one you must travel in order to find life.
I've learned that trusting God and not yourself really is the best way to go...maybe we should listen to the last seven thousand years of wisdom.
I've learned that light can often be seen, even in the darkest times....sometimes that light is the only thing we see.
I've learned that when you don't trust God, He finds someone to help you know what it feels like.
I've learned that when you really do reach rock bottom, the only way to go really is up....and sometimes you reach the clouds.
I've learned that when you feel abandoned and alone, the One who's usually left is the one you should stand beside forever.
I've learned that when you've been hurt beyond words, sometimes it's just best to love back beyond words...even if it nearly kills you.
I've learned that when your on your knees with grief, your in the perfect position to pray with everything in you.
I've learned that when you fall down, the hardest thing is to get back up and start all over again...even if it's down a different path...but it's the right thing to do.
I've learned that when there are nothing but clouds in your sky, there is always some little glimmer of sunshine....no matter how small and insignificant it may seem.
I've learned a lot over the last year. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have a lot of learning left to do, and I can't wait.
I've learned that things are not always what they seem, and usually when there's no hope to be found, that's where hope is most abundant.
I've learned that you can never simply look at the surface, but rather look at the root of the issue...there you will find what the truth of the matter is, and learn what to do.
I've learned that sometimes that voice that won't leave you alone is almost always right...I say almost because sometimes that little voice is your own telling you the wrong thing.
I've learned that sometimes the road less traveled is the one you really need to follow....Let me rephrase that, the barbarian road is the one you must travel in order to find life.
I've learned that trusting God and not yourself really is the best way to go...maybe we should listen to the last seven thousand years of wisdom.
I've learned that light can often be seen, even in the darkest times....sometimes that light is the only thing we see.
I've learned that when you don't trust God, He finds someone to help you know what it feels like.
I've learned that when you really do reach rock bottom, the only way to go really is up....and sometimes you reach the clouds.
I've learned that when you feel abandoned and alone, the One who's usually left is the one you should stand beside forever.
I've learned that when you've been hurt beyond words, sometimes it's just best to love back beyond words...even if it nearly kills you.
I've learned that when your on your knees with grief, your in the perfect position to pray with everything in you.
I've learned that when you fall down, the hardest thing is to get back up and start all over again...even if it's down a different path...but it's the right thing to do.
I've learned that when there are nothing but clouds in your sky, there is always some little glimmer of sunshine....no matter how small and insignificant it may seem.
I've learned a lot over the last year. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have a lot of learning left to do, and I can't wait.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Good Enough
Just what does it mean to be good enough? To be a good enough...
Daughter, Mother, Brother, Friend, Employee, Employer, helper, neighbor, father, sister, cousin, wife, husband, grandparent....you fill in the blank.
In fact, what does "good enough" really mean? Does it mean being successful? Does it mean simply being good? Does it simply mean that it will keep most people happy, yet a few dissatisfied. Or should you simply try to be good enough in every single solitary genre of your life (aka, those listed above.) Is "good enough" below good? Basically, are you just short of the par of "good" if you are "good enough"?
Life's toughest question; Can you make everyone happy? Or better yet, can you even make anyone happy? Or "happy enough" that they don't always ask you to work harder because your not good enough?
Of course not.
My question: Is "good enough" equivalent to success?
Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit your actions to the Lord, and you shall succeed."
So if we're right with God, will we succeed? And does success here mean success in life, love, wealth...what? In my personal opinion, I believe whoever wrote this particular Proverb meant that we will have success in everything if we commit our actions to God.
It's an interesting thought...it makes me want to stop looking at the individual fires in my life and look at the big one that needs to be kindled because of the Life it brings...the fire of love for God, and the one that keeps the other fires burning.
Daughter, Mother, Brother, Friend, Employee, Employer, helper, neighbor, father, sister, cousin, wife, husband, grandparent....you fill in the blank.
In fact, what does "good enough" really mean? Does it mean being successful? Does it mean simply being good? Does it simply mean that it will keep most people happy, yet a few dissatisfied. Or should you simply try to be good enough in every single solitary genre of your life (aka, those listed above.) Is "good enough" below good? Basically, are you just short of the par of "good" if you are "good enough"?
Life's toughest question; Can you make everyone happy? Or better yet, can you even make anyone happy? Or "happy enough" that they don't always ask you to work harder because your not good enough?
Of course not.
My question: Is "good enough" equivalent to success?
Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit your actions to the Lord, and you shall succeed."
So if we're right with God, will we succeed? And does success here mean success in life, love, wealth...what? In my personal opinion, I believe whoever wrote this particular Proverb meant that we will have success in everything if we commit our actions to God.
It's an interesting thought...it makes me want to stop looking at the individual fires in my life and look at the big one that needs to be kindled because of the Life it brings...the fire of love for God, and the one that keeps the other fires burning.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Unpredictability
I'm not a person who enjoys unpredictability. I never have, I never will. As a college student six months out of high school, who hated high school and all aspects of high school, I've realized that I miss the innocence of high school. Not to say that high school is innocent. Trust me, no one in high school can be considered "innocent" by any means, but the innocence of responsibility.
I've never been one to say that I like a safe environment. In fact, most everything that I believe goes against a safe environment. But high school is safe. The only responsibility you have is getting to class on time and keeping your grades suitable to satisfy mom and dad. You don't worry about managing work, plus getting your school done, plus doing enough to pay the bills, plus any other responsibilities of this "adult" world.
But at the same time, life is a mysterious adventure. God has created this life of unpredictability so we learn how to trust Him more. This is a life full of mystery, beauty, joy, pain, sorrow. Everything changes. There is a time for everything. We all have a destiny, a craving, a fulfillment. We're called not to live in the safety nets that society builds but in the uncivilized wonderlands that God creates for us. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I don't know where I'll be living or working or who I'll know in a year. But I do know one thing. If I pursue what God has placed on my heart, and follow the path He has placed me on, I don't need to know. I just need to become the woman God has created me to be. He's already shown me that by trusting Him, extraordinary things can happen. So perhaps this is true in all aspects of life. Wait, forget the "perhaps". The only way to find an answer is to find the unpredictable. In fact, unpredictability is the answer. I think that is God were standing beside me right now and I asked Him what my future had in store, His answer would be a shrug of the shoulders and the word "unpredictability".
I've never been one to say that I like a safe environment. In fact, most everything that I believe goes against a safe environment. But high school is safe. The only responsibility you have is getting to class on time and keeping your grades suitable to satisfy mom and dad. You don't worry about managing work, plus getting your school done, plus doing enough to pay the bills, plus any other responsibilities of this "adult" world.
But at the same time, life is a mysterious adventure. God has created this life of unpredictability so we learn how to trust Him more. This is a life full of mystery, beauty, joy, pain, sorrow. Everything changes. There is a time for everything. We all have a destiny, a craving, a fulfillment. We're called not to live in the safety nets that society builds but in the uncivilized wonderlands that God creates for us. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I don't know where I'll be living or working or who I'll know in a year. But I do know one thing. If I pursue what God has placed on my heart, and follow the path He has placed me on, I don't need to know. I just need to become the woman God has created me to be. He's already shown me that by trusting Him, extraordinary things can happen. So perhaps this is true in all aspects of life. Wait, forget the "perhaps". The only way to find an answer is to find the unpredictable. In fact, unpredictability is the answer. I think that is God were standing beside me right now and I asked Him what my future had in store, His answer would be a shrug of the shoulders and the word "unpredictability".
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Finding and Failings.
I've been in a nostalgic mood lately. I've been thinking about all my past experiences; my findings, my failings, my hopes, my dreams, my accomplishments. After looking back, I realized something. It's all led me here.
As far as accomplishments, I have accomplished some of the greatest things that some could never accomplish. There have been hardships that I may never completely overcome, hurts that I may never be able to fully forgive, and shattered dreams that I may never be able to look past. But I do know one thing. They have all made me stronger. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, be in the position I am today, or know the people I know now.
Some say I'm too hard on myself. Do I share in this? Of course not! I often think I'm not hard enough on myself. But I just figured something out; most of the things I think I've failed at, I haven't really failed at all. I simply haven't accomplished them yet. That's not to say that I haven't failed at all. Trust me, I've failed many times. Some things were irreversible, and some things nearly destroyed the future that I look so forward to now.
But there is a difference between failure and accomplishment. To accomplish doesn't always mean being the best at something, or being perfect at a task, or getting exactly what you hoped for. No, accomplishment means achievement. To fail means never accomplishing anything. For example, if I say that I have failed at being a daughter, does that mean I have failed and should just give up? No. It simply means that in some areas, I have failed at being the daughter I should be (or in some cases, how others or myself think I should be). But I can still accomplish being a good daughter. I just have to try harder. I didn't go off to a four year university straight out of high school. Does that mean that I have failed at accomplishing that dream? No. It simply means what I just said. I didn't go to a four year university right out of high school. End of story. Does that mean I never will? No. After COS, I plan to finish my degree, whether it takes four years, or five years, or ten years. I'm finishing college. Period.
All the things I listed above (Hopes, dreams, failings, accomplishments) tie in. Some of my dreams I know can not happen. Some of them simply aren't happening yet. And yes, in some areas, I have failed. But I hope to remember that every time I do not accomplish something that it does not mean I have failed. It simply means I must try again until it becomes undoubtedly unattainable.
As far as accomplishments, I have accomplished some of the greatest things that some could never accomplish. There have been hardships that I may never completely overcome, hurts that I may never be able to fully forgive, and shattered dreams that I may never be able to look past. But I do know one thing. They have all made me stronger. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, be in the position I am today, or know the people I know now.
Some say I'm too hard on myself. Do I share in this? Of course not! I often think I'm not hard enough on myself. But I just figured something out; most of the things I think I've failed at, I haven't really failed at all. I simply haven't accomplished them yet. That's not to say that I haven't failed at all. Trust me, I've failed many times. Some things were irreversible, and some things nearly destroyed the future that I look so forward to now.
But there is a difference between failure and accomplishment. To accomplish doesn't always mean being the best at something, or being perfect at a task, or getting exactly what you hoped for. No, accomplishment means achievement. To fail means never accomplishing anything. For example, if I say that I have failed at being a daughter, does that mean I have failed and should just give up? No. It simply means that in some areas, I have failed at being the daughter I should be (or in some cases, how others or myself think I should be). But I can still accomplish being a good daughter. I just have to try harder. I didn't go off to a four year university straight out of high school. Does that mean that I have failed at accomplishing that dream? No. It simply means what I just said. I didn't go to a four year university right out of high school. End of story. Does that mean I never will? No. After COS, I plan to finish my degree, whether it takes four years, or five years, or ten years. I'm finishing college. Period.
All the things I listed above (Hopes, dreams, failings, accomplishments) tie in. Some of my dreams I know can not happen. Some of them simply aren't happening yet. And yes, in some areas, I have failed. But I hope to remember that every time I do not accomplish something that it does not mean I have failed. It simply means I must try again until it becomes undoubtedly unattainable.
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