Finding and Failings.

I've been in a nostalgic mood lately. I've been thinking about all my past experiences; my findings, my failings, my hopes, my dreams, my accomplishments. After looking back, I realized something. It's all led me here.

As far as accomplishments, I have accomplished some of the greatest things that some could never accomplish. There have been hardships that I may never completely overcome, hurts that I may never be able to fully forgive, and shattered dreams that I may never be able to look past. But I do know one thing. They have all made me stronger. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today, be in the position I am today, or know the people I know now.

Some say I'm too hard on myself. Do I share in this? Of course not! I often think I'm not hard enough on myself. But I just figured something out; most of the things I think I've failed at, I haven't really failed at all. I simply haven't accomplished them yet. That's not to say that I haven't failed at all. Trust me, I've failed many times. Some things were irreversible, and some things nearly destroyed the future that I look so forward to now.

But there is a difference between failure and accomplishment. To accomplish doesn't always mean being the best at something, or being perfect at a task, or getting exactly what you hoped for. No, accomplishment means achievement. To fail means never accomplishing anything. For example, if I say that I have failed at being a daughter, does that mean I have failed and should just give up? No. It simply means that in some areas, I have failed at being the daughter I should be (or in some cases, how others or myself think I should be). But I can still accomplish being a good daughter. I just have to try harder. I didn't go off to a four year university straight out of high school. Does that mean that I have failed at accomplishing that dream? No. It simply means what I just said. I didn't go to a four year university right out of high school. End of story. Does that mean I never will? No. After COS, I plan to finish my degree, whether it takes four years, or five years, or ten years. I'm finishing college. Period.

All the things I listed above (Hopes, dreams, failings, accomplishments) tie in. Some of my dreams I know can not happen. Some of them simply aren't happening yet. And yes, in some areas, I have failed. But I hope to remember that every time I do not accomplish something that it does not mean I have failed. It simply means I must try again until it becomes undoubtedly unattainable.