The last six weeks or so have been amazing. They have been a time of transformation beyond my wildest dreams. At the beginning of the year, I started feeling as though I hadn't completely lost myself, like I could find the me I used to be again. At the beginning of February, my dad preached at church, and I finally got a Sunday off of work to get to go. I can't explain why, because no preaching had even started, and, to the best of my knowledge, worship hadn't either. But, I just felt....convicted, but with hope; hope, for the first time in years that I could be me again...that I could find the me I used to be when I was closest to God. I shook of the feeling and opened my bulletin. Inside, there was a flyer for sign ups for a book study called "Sun Stand Still". I had never heard of the book before, but I thought "hey, why not? I haven't been in a book study in a long time. This is something I wouldn't mind doing." So I signed up. I had no idea what I was in for.
This book covers everything about audacious faith and what it means to dream, what it means to lose a dream, what it means to pray with audacity and ask God for things that only HE can provide. It deals with impossible dreams, which, reflecting on about five years ago for me, I used to believe in. But that all changed for me. This book has been such a blessing for me. It has made me deal with literally every single issue I've refused to deal with myself; all the issues I've shoved under the rug, all the issues others have tried to talk through with me, all the issues I knew were lies but refused to push them aside and believe what I knew to be true. This book has been a journey of the soul. When I started it just six weeks ago, I was a scared, angry and bitter woman who didn't know why she signed up for yet one more thing that was just going to dive into her past and bring up, what I thought at the time, the bad stuff. But this book has brought me hope; it's brought me faith; and best of all, it's brought me dreams again. I've learned how to pray better, to believe more faithfully, and to wait (patiently?) for God to move, no matter which way He moves or if He doesn't even move at all. On top of all that, the relationships I've built through this study have changed my life. Ever since leaving New Hope four years ago, I've made little to no lasting relationships in the various church groups I've been in. I've tried and tried, but nothing ever clicked. I have the privilege of having friends again, of knowing that I'm not alone at my church, and that I can pray with these people, be honest with them, and ask them for help if and when I need it.
I didn't know that a book could transform my life. A couple of weeks ago, I closed one chapter of life with a very final "bang" to it, and I refuse to look back. I can only hope that I'm opening a brand new chapter, filled with endless possibilities and inevitably...life. I can't wait to see what God has in store. I hope and pray that He has a plan for me that follows a little with my hopes, but I guess that's where audacious faith and prayer comes in. But in the end, I know God will come through no matter what....I BELIEVE now that God will have a beautiful plan laid out for my life, and no matter what, it will be better than anything I "plan" for myself.
God is amazing.
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