Broken

Just a fair warning, I'm venting, so if you don't want to hear me vent, you definitley don't want to read this. :-)

I've come to the conclusion, that in everyone's life, at some point in time, no matter how much each of us tries to deny it, we become broken. All our hopes shattered, all our dreams lost, and we don't know how to start over. For some of us, this can be due to a relationship change. For others, it can be a tragedy, a catastrophe...something major and actually worth caring about. But regardless of what it is, we become broken. As a broken person, you begin to become numb to everything around you. You find yourself not caring what happens next, not worrying about consequences....you learn not to cry, and you teach yourself to wear a mask that you think no one can see through. Some turn to everything they said they'd never do. Some lose all sense of morality and spirituality. Some of us simply try to forget all that ever existed that broke us down. But we are simply broken people, with our hearts and spirits ripped into a billion little pieces that no one seems to have the glue to put back together. You walk through life, numb, hurting, angsty, on the verge of becoming an existentialist....everything feels like monotony, and nothing feels extraordinary. Sometimes you don't even feel alive. You simply exist.

I can honestly admit I'm one of the broken people in the world. I think when the Beatles wrote Elanor Rigby, they could have easily inserted the words "Look at all the broken people" instead of the "lonely" people, and accurately described my life. Some of us have learned and tried to learn over and over again not to let anything truly make us happy, because all the things that have ever made us happy or feel in the least bit whole have ended up screwing us over (and that's definitely not the most appropriate word for what really happens to us). We pretend like we're brick walls, and ironically, most of those around us believe it and don't see that we hardly even have a heart anymore.

But what's really funny, is that of all the broken people I know, we all share one small, very insignificant trait: We all have a small ray of hope for just one more thing. Whether it's just one more moment in which we can actually feel happy, or one more moment where we actually feel like we mean something. One more moment to feel like we're worth the fight. One more moment to feel like we are good enough. One more moemnt to feel alive. That moment may never come for any of us, but we all still have some small glimmer of hope that it will.