What I want to accomplish while I'm twenty. It's just starting, so hopefully I get time to actually do all these.
1. Finish writing my children's Sunday school curriculum, Compass.
2. Travel somewhere outside the U.S.
3. Travel somewhere east of Colorado, since that's as far as I've gotten (only because I was born there)
4. Get involved in a drama ministry of some sort in Visalia.
5. Design/manufacture costumes for at least one play/musical.
I am not too young, and I am good enough to accomplish these. So, here we go...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Thoughts of time
So it occurred to me this last week that in a little over a week, I turn 20...wow, seriously, my whole life I've always felt older than my age. Too much has happened in the last seven years to fully grasp the meaning of my age. I guess when I was twelve, I felt twelve. At fifteen, I think I felt fifteen. At eighteen, I felt twenty or twenty one...now, I really can't put a finger on it. I guess it all just sort of slipped away.
I find myself constantly trying to hurry life up. I don't know if it's because I feel like when something good happens to me, it doesn't last, so I should hurry it up so maybe it will feel like it will last longer. Or I think a lot of it can be attributed to the fact that my mom died at a lot younger age than she should have, and I'm worried the same will happen to me. I don't know.
Six months ago, I was planning on being married by June 20th of this year. Since those plans obviously changed, I've gone from planning my wedding to planning the rest of my life...or at least, up to the next life interruption. I've realized a lot about what I really want to do, and I think realized a lot of potential of what I can do, but it all feels like I should be there by now. For some reason, I relate so much better with people about 23 and up. I've never related to my age group...ever. I can remember being freaking five years old, and going to an adult Bible study with my parents, and having full on conversations with adults. I played fine by myself as a child, but I could never play well with other kids. Maybe that was the homeschooling and the lack of a Sunday school at our small reformed church.
I don't know what it is. I'm always in a hurry. And as soon as I take a breath, return to my age, and realize I don't need to rush, I start hyperventilating and panicking, like seriously freaking out. Why is that? Seriously? My gosh, I'm not even freaking two decades old right now!
The last couple of weeks at Elevate, which has basically become my church home, have been about just going out there and doing it. Go do your passion. You've been given a new year, so don't wait to be escorted and asked to do something, just go out there and do it! (Or as I would say to some, just grow a pair for crying out loud!!!) God gave you some pretty cool passions and talents and inbred desires for a reason...don't waste them. Don't pretend to be something your not, do something unique for a change. Don't be like Scarlet freaking O'Hara with the attitude of "Whether I have to lie, cheat or steal...I'll never go hungry again" and do something that you can do on your own without deceiving every person around you just so you can have your five minutes of fame.
Go out there, do what God actually wants you to do, and stop wasting time trying to be something your not.
Am I ranting now? I feel like I'm ranting.
I'll just end by saying this. Last week, I heard a message that definitely pushed me in the direction I need to go. When my last life interruption happened, I was informed that I was "too young" (yes, that is truly the reason I was given for that particular issue), something that I've always been afraid of being told. For the last four months, I've been downing myself into thinking that no dumb 19-year-old can do the outrageous things I actually want to pursue. No one will ask me to do that. No one would ever hire me to do that.
But maybe I don't have to wait. The time is now. Not five years down the road, not in waiting, but now. And to be perfectly honest, some pretty cool things have happened since I learned to accept that, just because I'm 19 going on thirty, that doesn't mean I can't do the impossible.
Jeremiah 29:11
1 Timothy 4:12
Isaiah 41:10
I find myself constantly trying to hurry life up. I don't know if it's because I feel like when something good happens to me, it doesn't last, so I should hurry it up so maybe it will feel like it will last longer. Or I think a lot of it can be attributed to the fact that my mom died at a lot younger age than she should have, and I'm worried the same will happen to me. I don't know.
Six months ago, I was planning on being married by June 20th of this year. Since those plans obviously changed, I've gone from planning my wedding to planning the rest of my life...or at least, up to the next life interruption. I've realized a lot about what I really want to do, and I think realized a lot of potential of what I can do, but it all feels like I should be there by now. For some reason, I relate so much better with people about 23 and up. I've never related to my age group...ever. I can remember being freaking five years old, and going to an adult Bible study with my parents, and having full on conversations with adults. I played fine by myself as a child, but I could never play well with other kids. Maybe that was the homeschooling and the lack of a Sunday school at our small reformed church.
I don't know what it is. I'm always in a hurry. And as soon as I take a breath, return to my age, and realize I don't need to rush, I start hyperventilating and panicking, like seriously freaking out. Why is that? Seriously? My gosh, I'm not even freaking two decades old right now!
The last couple of weeks at Elevate, which has basically become my church home, have been about just going out there and doing it. Go do your passion. You've been given a new year, so don't wait to be escorted and asked to do something, just go out there and do it! (Or as I would say to some, just grow a pair for crying out loud!!!) God gave you some pretty cool passions and talents and inbred desires for a reason...don't waste them. Don't pretend to be something your not, do something unique for a change. Don't be like Scarlet freaking O'Hara with the attitude of "Whether I have to lie, cheat or steal...I'll never go hungry again" and do something that you can do on your own without deceiving every person around you just so you can have your five minutes of fame.
Go out there, do what God actually wants you to do, and stop wasting time trying to be something your not.
Am I ranting now? I feel like I'm ranting.
I'll just end by saying this. Last week, I heard a message that definitely pushed me in the direction I need to go. When my last life interruption happened, I was informed that I was "too young" (yes, that is truly the reason I was given for that particular issue), something that I've always been afraid of being told. For the last four months, I've been downing myself into thinking that no dumb 19-year-old can do the outrageous things I actually want to pursue. No one will ask me to do that. No one would ever hire me to do that.
But maybe I don't have to wait. The time is now. Not five years down the road, not in waiting, but now. And to be perfectly honest, some pretty cool things have happened since I learned to accept that, just because I'm 19 going on thirty, that doesn't mean I can't do the impossible.
Jeremiah 29:11
1 Timothy 4:12
Isaiah 41:10
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The King Beside the Princess
For those who know me, you know that I've had a very crappy last three months. I'm not going to lie, I've had a lot of trouble believing that God had the best intentions for me, that God really does know best, or that God has been by my side the whole time. I've lost a lot of faith in the last few months. But you know those things that you know, and believe, you just don't feel at the time? That's exactly where I've been since September. I've known that God is 1000% in control, and that He threw my life interruption at me for a reason. But this last week, He totally revealed Himself to me.
So on Thursday, I was watching Prince Caspian. Now, with the exception of "Braveheart" and "We Were Soldiers", I don't cry unless the movies a chick flick. This movie was amazing. For anyone who doesn't know the Chronicles of Narnia stories, the books, and movies, are basically an allegory or parable. The movies portray God as a Lion, Aslan, and this place called Narnia. Anyway, and totally besides the point, if you haven't watched either of these movies, DO IT. They are both amazing. So anyway, there is this part near the end of Prince Caspian where the opposing army, the Talemarines, are fighting the Narnian army and decide to retreat back to the river. As they come out of the trees, this entire massive army just stops short. Standing on the nearby opposite bank, is the youngest sister of the humans who come, Lucy. This maybe ten year old little girl, stops an entire army from advancing. To make it better, she then draws her simple, small dagger from her pocket, with this look on her face like "Come get me." The Talemarines begin crossing the river...and then the most amazing scene takes place. Aslan steps forward to join Lucy.
Now, tell me this is not so freaking amazing!!!! It is such a sign, that God is always, 100% on our side...and by our side. He's always there. Always. He never leaves, he never forsakes, and he never gives up. How cool is that?? As soon as Aslan walked up next to Lucy, I lost it. And seriously, every time I talk about it or tell someone else about it, I lose it, big time. It's just so awesome to think that God, the Lion, comes to our side when we need him the most...against our biggest obstacles...against our biggest fears. Even when we don't believe he is, he is constant. He never moves. Actually, the whole relationship between Aslan and Lucy is so representative of what we should be in Christ. Lucy, all throughout the movie, is wondering why Aslan is not coming to their aid, but she is also the only one who believes he will come through in the end. Right before the river scene, Lucy goes into the woods to call on Aslan and ask for his help. She is chased by a Talemarine, whom Aslan goes after and knocks off his horse, and scares away. Instantly, he goes from being this protective, aggressive, fearful warrior, to being the loving Father that Lucy loves so dearly. WOW! Seriously? I mean, Disney created this? Really? I couldn't believe it. It was amazing. And it was seriously exactly what I needed to feel that God is there. I've had such a hard time believing it, until now.
So on Thursday, I was watching Prince Caspian. Now, with the exception of "Braveheart" and "We Were Soldiers", I don't cry unless the movies a chick flick. This movie was amazing. For anyone who doesn't know the Chronicles of Narnia stories, the books, and movies, are basically an allegory or parable. The movies portray God as a Lion, Aslan, and this place called Narnia. Anyway, and totally besides the point, if you haven't watched either of these movies, DO IT. They are both amazing. So anyway, there is this part near the end of Prince Caspian where the opposing army, the Talemarines, are fighting the Narnian army and decide to retreat back to the river. As they come out of the trees, this entire massive army just stops short. Standing on the nearby opposite bank, is the youngest sister of the humans who come, Lucy. This maybe ten year old little girl, stops an entire army from advancing. To make it better, she then draws her simple, small dagger from her pocket, with this look on her face like "Come get me." The Talemarines begin crossing the river...and then the most amazing scene takes place. Aslan steps forward to join Lucy.
Now, tell me this is not so freaking amazing!!!! It is such a sign, that God is always, 100% on our side...and by our side. He's always there. Always. He never leaves, he never forsakes, and he never gives up. How cool is that?? As soon as Aslan walked up next to Lucy, I lost it. And seriously, every time I talk about it or tell someone else about it, I lose it, big time. It's just so awesome to think that God, the Lion, comes to our side when we need him the most...against our biggest obstacles...against our biggest fears. Even when we don't believe he is, he is constant. He never moves. Actually, the whole relationship between Aslan and Lucy is so representative of what we should be in Christ. Lucy, all throughout the movie, is wondering why Aslan is not coming to their aid, but she is also the only one who believes he will come through in the end. Right before the river scene, Lucy goes into the woods to call on Aslan and ask for his help. She is chased by a Talemarine, whom Aslan goes after and knocks off his horse, and scares away. Instantly, he goes from being this protective, aggressive, fearful warrior, to being the loving Father that Lucy loves so dearly. WOW! Seriously? I mean, Disney created this? Really? I couldn't believe it. It was amazing. And it was seriously exactly what I needed to feel that God is there. I've had such a hard time believing it, until now.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Radiant
So yesterday, I went to Radiant Church here in Visalia. Ironically, I had honestly never heard of this church until about two or three months ago. Okay, first off, I love stepping out of my comfort zone, and going to a new church is definitely out of my comfort zone. But it was exactly how a church should be.
After stepping away from my church about a month and a half ago, I've been trying to find something that I fit with. I tried out one that I had heard nothing but good about, and it was good, but it wasn't home. It didn't fit. I didn't fit. It just wasn't right.
Radiant was definitley what a church should look like. It's just a normal building, filled with people from all different backrounds who are simply there to love God and worship him. There was no structure, no instructions, and no pressure. I didn't feel judged. I didn't feel the pressure that I had to stand when worship started. I wasn't told that if I was a Follower of Christ that I had to take communion. It was just there. There was invitation to join in, but it was not as if it was wrong if I didn't do what everyone else was doing. It was just a raw, real, authentic service. Like church should be. It felt like what the original church would have felt like. Just people getting together for community and to learn and hear about God.
And the list keeps growing of reasons for me to stay in Visalia.
After stepping away from my church about a month and a half ago, I've been trying to find something that I fit with. I tried out one that I had heard nothing but good about, and it was good, but it wasn't home. It didn't fit. I didn't fit. It just wasn't right.
Radiant was definitley what a church should look like. It's just a normal building, filled with people from all different backrounds who are simply there to love God and worship him. There was no structure, no instructions, and no pressure. I didn't feel judged. I didn't feel the pressure that I had to stand when worship started. I wasn't told that if I was a Follower of Christ that I had to take communion. It was just there. There was invitation to join in, but it was not as if it was wrong if I didn't do what everyone else was doing. It was just a raw, real, authentic service. Like church should be. It felt like what the original church would have felt like. Just people getting together for community and to learn and hear about God.
And the list keeps growing of reasons for me to stay in Visalia.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
White Horse
So as much as I hate country music, and I hate pessimism (and I am the biggest pessimist I know), I heard this song on Grey's Anatomy, and loved it. It fits so well with life right now. I like it.
White Horse - Taylor Swift
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Baby I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance
my mistake, i didnt know
to be in love, you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings;
Now I know
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry
Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.
And it's funny that life still goes on, and I can still dream, and still believe in this crap. But sometimes life doesn't seem like a fairytale. Sometimes life feels like a comedy. Sometimes it feels like a tragedy. Sometimes it's a comedy of errors. But I just remember that God's the only one that can see the whole picture. This is just a small part. This is just a glimpse.
White Horse - Taylor Swift
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Baby I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance
my mistake, i didnt know
to be in love, you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings;
Now I know
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry
Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.
And it's funny that life still goes on, and I can still dream, and still believe in this crap. But sometimes life doesn't seem like a fairytale. Sometimes life feels like a comedy. Sometimes it feels like a tragedy. Sometimes it's a comedy of errors. But I just remember that God's the only one that can see the whole picture. This is just a small part. This is just a glimpse.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Beanie Bash
This Saturday at New Hope Church, we are hosting the Beanie Bash!!! By December, the Beanie Project hopes to complete 1,000 beanies to give to the homeless/impoverished around Tulare Country. If you want to come make beanies with us, it starts at 3:30 pm. New Hope is on the corner of Tulare and Linwood. (The one with the Hershey Kiss roof.)
Monday, November 10, 2008
So cool
A friend emailed me this video, and I can't get the thought out of my mind...
What if every church in Visalia took part in this...
What if even the major churches in Visalia took part in this....
Think of the impact this little city of just over 100,000 people could have on the rest of the world...
If there were even a dollar for each person in the city, think how much that could help.
What if every church in Visalia took part in this...
What if even the major churches in Visalia took part in this....
Think of the impact this little city of just over 100,000 people could have on the rest of the world...
If there were even a dollar for each person in the city, think how much that could help.
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