It's really been on my heart lately to share this. Not in a "look at all the great things God is doing for me!" kind of way, but hopefully in an encouraging, inspiring sort of way.
I'm going on a mission trip to Mexico in a week, one that I hadn't even thought of going on until about two months ago. In fact, I didn't even know about it until the day before I signed up. My pastor (at the time) had posted a picture on facebook of the first group meeting, and I instantly started thinking about going. It was March, and I started doubting if I could go. I remember it so clearly, because I was in the backroom at work at about 7 am when I saw the picture. I told one of my co-workers (who is also a Christian) about it, and her response was to pray about it. So I started. By the time I was doing the deposit, at about 11 am, I was having a straight out debate with God about it. I didn't even realize it at the time, but that's what I was doing! My first thought was, "There is no way I can afford that. I'm going on vacation in a month" which was followed by a different voice, saying "Then don't spend as much on vacation." I followed that with, "But I have even less time to pay for the trip than anyone else does, and I don't know anything about Mexico." That was followed with "I will provide and it's a leap of faith." My response? "But I'm using all my vacation hours next month when I go to Colorado. I won't be able to pay my rent, pay my bills, pay...." and I was quite literally cut off by a voice in my head, saying (quite loudly, it seemed) "I WILL PROVIDE! STOP DOUBTING ME AND HAVE FAITH!!!"
If I've ever felt about an inch tall in my life, that was definitely it. I was stunned by the enormous amount of peace I had. I immediately took the steps I needed to and signed up. And now, I leave in a week.
I've still been quite uncertain, but sure enough, I've still had that same small voice, whispering all the time, "I will provide," even after I signed up and paid the trip off. It was still there. I even shared it with my small group that I had this enormous peace that God would be providing for me. Little did I know what the next week would bring.
Anyone who knows me knows that I drive a very old, very unreliable little '87 Toyota Camry. She has seen me through a lot, but she is definitely on her last leg. About three weeks ago now, I was driving to our last small group meeting, and my car started overheating. Not by a little tiny bit, but literally past the red line you should never cross. I pulled over twice just on my way across town. I let my car cool down, hoping I could make it home and then figure it all out in the morning, but by about a mile, it started overheating again. My dad came and put a "bandaid" on it, and I drove it home. It seemed to have done the trick, so I left it alone the next day, which was my day off. At about 5pm the next day, I decided to go see a movie, which is only about a mile or so from my house. On my way there, it started overheating again, but I was already turning into the theatre parking lot, so there was no point in turning around and going home. So I went to the movie, and let my car cool off in the process. When the movie was over, I came out to my car, put more coolant in, and decided to go put gas in and trudge my way to my parent's house so I could at least figure things out from there. On my way to the gas station, it started overheating again, so I reached for my phone to call my dad and let him know what was going on....and lo and behold, my phone was NOT in my purse. I realized I had left it in the theatre. I turned around and made it back, and searched inside. It had been no more than 10-15 minutes since I had left, but of course, my phone was gone, and when I tried to call it, it went straight to voicemail. My phone was stolen.
So, with my car in bad shape, and my phone gone, I figured I would go to the gas station and call from a payphone (someday my children will ask me what that is.) The gas station didn't have one. So I started the mile and a half drive to my house, thinking I would just park the car and call my dad from my neighbors. As I pulled up to the intersection before my apartment, steam had started coming up from under the hood, and I knew I was in trouble. I literally put-putted it into the parking space, where it died. Luckily, my neighbor was awake and I was able to get a hold of my dad, who graciously got out of bed (at 10:45 at night) to come get me.
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. All the money I had been saving for a downpayment I spent trying to fix my Toyota, and the next paycheck I was getting was my rent paycheck. So how was I supposed to get a car if mine died?
In the next couple of days, a friend of mine lent me her phone, and I was also given the news that to fix my car (excluding any labor) would cost me about $700, which I clearly didn't have. I was stressed to the max. However, I kept hearing that still, small voice saying over and over "I will provide."
My next day off was Friday, and I was determined to go to a car dealership and explain my situation and beg for a car. After about four unsuccessful hours, my sister's awesome and amazing boyfriend came and helped me out. We went to one more lot, and the guys were amazing!! I decided to dip into my rent and hope my landlord was understanding, and put a larger downpayment on the car than anticipated. And I got one! It was amazing. My next concern, however, was "What about rent?" Well, the junk yard was willing to pay me a good amount of money for my car, which coincidentally (ordained?) enough, was a few dollars more than what I had taken from my rent money! Seriously. Could it have been more perfect? No. I was already blessed beyond blessed.
But God wasn't done yet. About a week after I bought the car, the guy from the dealership called me to ask if I could come back in. They had gotten my APR lowered. So I went in, thinking only a little more down. They had managed to get my APR from a 17.6% (due to my not so perfect credit history) to a 6.99%, AND I added a warranty, and still my payments were $40 less than what I had originally signed for.
Isn't God freaking amazing?
So, as I said, I'm not writing this in a sense of trying to rub it in if things are not working out quite so perfect for you, but rather as a testimony of God's blessing to me. I trusted that small voice I kept hearing, and here I am, going to Mexico in a week, with a new car and a lot stronger faith. God isn't required to "prove" himself, but we are commanded to have faith. However, when God does show himself, it's usually a LOT bigger than we expected.
"...Let the children come to me. Do not stop them! For the kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Mark 10:14-15
